“Please don't take this the wrong way but we have plenty of poverty stricken, hungry, homeless children that would love to be adopted into a good home to get what they need like immunizations, clothes, food, shelter, love and any other things children need let's start taking care of our own countries children before other countries.”
How many of you in the adoption process have heard that before!? Drives. Me. Nuts.
I have been thinking about writing a post on this for a few weeks now. I was actually thinking about it again this morning. However, I decided against it. That was until it came up again in conversation today. What am I talking about?? The lovely ‘Why did you decided to adopt internationally when there are so many of “our own” here that need to be adopted’ question. I don’t have a perfect answer….is there such a thing? All I have is my personal opinion, and being as it is my blog… that’s all I need.
A few weeks ago a good friend of mine, Julie, posted the documentary about Korah on her Facebook. Can I just say how much I LOVE when others (who aren’t adopting) get it!? Julie, I LOVE YOUR HEART! So anyway, she put up the video with a little snippet about how her friend (me) was in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. That’s when she got the above comment. You always know is going to be bad when they start with ‘don’t take this the wrong way’.
Julie followed up his comment with an awesome reply, then informed me there was a discussion going on….and maybe i should jump in. In addition to what she had already said, I replied with this:
I believe that adopting Internationally and from the Foster Care System are equally amazing – it means kids are finding forever homes! By adopting here, you’re bettering the life of a child (which is a WONDERFUL THING) but by adopting from a third-world country you could actually be SAVING the LIFE of a child. There are no foster care systems, there’s no SHELTER for these kids – they are literally on the street. Orphans in the U.S. are guaranteed food/water/shelter/school. That’s not the case in Ethiopia. In Ethiopia 1 in 10 kids will DIE before they turn a year old, and those that make it… 1 in 6 won’t make it to their 5th birthday….
I think we can all agree on one thing… there should be NO ORPHANS. And yes, there ARE kids here who need love and homes – Please don’t take this the wrong way, but what are YOU doing to help these “poverty stricken, hungry, homeless children??” I would love to hear that you’re in the process of adopting yourself!!
Some are called to adopt locally, others from across the sea. There’s no right or wrong, there’s no “taking care of our own” before we’ll consider helping others. ALL KIDS MATTER.
I even had someone say that they were glad we were (and this started off really nice!) “looking beyond our needs to adopt a child from somewhere else. And that they take care of their family with making sure they get what they need and also give to different charities what they can. Also… they adopted 2 dogs from animal shelters and give blankets and spare pet food to them."
::Insert Cricket Chirping::
Really?? Are you actually comparing adopting a CHILD to adopting a DOG?? You have GOT to be kidding me!? He then followed that up with this gem, “So I think I'm doing as much as I can right now but would always like to do more.” Um…. Well… I suppose he’s trying, right?
You would be surprised at how many times this comes up. Even at our garage sale last month, we had a few women going on and on about the needy kids here.....how could we be going all the way to Africa when kids HERE need you.... "Woman, they need YOU TOO!"
I guess I’m just amazed that some people can sit there and question our decision to adopt internationally… when in their minds we need to be taking care of ‘our own’ (whatever that means)…. Yet they aren’t doing a dang thing themselves. I’m not saying these people need to go out and adopt… but I certainly don’t think they have the right to question or criticize me and my choices when they aren’t doing a thing to help the problem.
Some people get it. Some people clearly do not.
Mary
6 months ago
10 comments:
Jodes... I am so glad you are doing this and helping a child from where ever they came from. It should not matter where you adopt from as long as you are helping and nurturing a child. I do have to say that what bothers me the most is that you have to spend so much time explaining why you are doing this. After all, it is your choice and I bet all these people bashing you for doing this are not being harrassed by their friends or family for whatever choices they make in life. I bet some of these people are driving a Lexus or BMW when they could have donated that money to american children in foster homes, or they live in a $500,000 home with no kids and spend thosands of dollars to travel around the world. Whatever choices we make personally should not be questioned because we make those choices ourselves. I see no reason do debate or belittle you and Boz for making this choice. You guys are doing an amazing thing and some people need to back off and think twice about what they are doing to enrich the lives of underprivlidged children.
Obviously, our family has had experience in both arenas. We pursued a private domestic adoption with 4 failed placements to then move into the Ethiopia program, only then to feel like we were really called into the foster to adopt world. There are advantages and disadvantages to BOTH programs, but the best response I've heard is to simply respond that you are in whatever program because that is where your child is. We owe NO more of a response when are are feeling confident that we are moving in the correct direction. GOD alone is our guide and HE alone knows who and where YOUR child is! Adoption is about loving children, who happen to be children of God :)
Oh my word I am so glad you posted this. Could go on and on... but I wont! :) We have 2 little boys we adopted from the USA and we are now adopting a little girl from Ethiopia.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the response that your friend gave! Right on!
I also feel when people make comments like that it is just the enemy trying to discourage you!
We are to be HIS hands and feet and we are to go where HE sends us! If thats Africa and it is!! I am there!
Thank you SO much for posting this.
Wow, this is a familiar topic! :) If I had $10 for each time someone has questioned why we're adopting from Ethiopia instead of domestically, I think we could pay our airfare! Great discussion on the issue here! Thank you!!
I second what Jackie said....exactly.
Amen Sister!
The potential to be saving life makes perfect sense, and doesn't minimize the needs of orphans in our own country (as your "Will you say 'Yes?!'" video points out, you have a heart for all orphans).
James doesn't say, "our orphans" or "our widows," but, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world" (James 1:27).
In "The Soul of a Butterfly" Muhammed Ali put it well when he wrote, "Maybe then there will come a day when instead of saying, 'God bless America,' or 'God bless some other country,' everyone everywhere will say, 'God bless the world.'"
No shame in helping those in most need first. I'm proud that was your choice - despite the greater costs.
Good post Jody, and right on! I totally agree.
I love it! It seems that the question does always pop up every now and then. My wife and I have adopted our oldest domestically, then had a couple biological kids and now are adopting from Ethiopia! I tell people that I already have adopted here, but the difference is that we were competing with other parents for a child here but in Ethiopia the children are competing for us.
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