Needing to Talk it Out.

I’m gonna be real here…. I was hesitant at first to begin sponsoring another child. I think that’s another part of why I dragged my feet for so long.

I just couldn’t imagine connecting with a child then having to tell him that we’re coming out to Ethiopia to adopt a little boy….only that little boy that isn’t you. Pretty naive, right? Who am I to think that every orphaned child in ET wants to be adopted and come live here?

I’m already feeling bad for our Baby Boz ~ he’s gonna have to leave everything he’s ever know. To sit on a plane for 17 (+) hours with two people who look nothing like him, who don’t know how to comfort him, who don’t speak the same language, to arrive at a place he’s never been ~ with new smells, new sights, new sounds. I can’t even imagine how that’d be.

Here we are all excited and caught up in the moment of bringing home our little man, but I wonder how many actually think about what the child is/will be going through. I mean, we’re taking him away from EVERYTHING he’s ever known. I wonder when he’s home and in his crib/bed all alone at night what’ll be going through this little head. Will he miss the noise of the orphanage? Miss the craziness of having kids around all the time? Miss the feeling of someone next to him (maybe sharing his crib?)…. I wonder what he’ll go through.

As I said in my previous post, there were two more referrals yesterday….. part of that makes me sad in a way. While I can’t wait to get our referral…. I can’t help but know WHY we’re getting a referral. For all I know, this very minute our son could be sitting on his momma’s lap, completely unaware at what the world is about to throw at him. Maybe he’s playing with his little friends right now…. friends that in a matter of months, he’ll never see again. Ever. His whole world is going to turn upside down. In the midst of all he’ll have to deal with (AND GRIEVE OVER!), some white Americans are going to swoop in a “save him” ~ really? Something about that whole thing just seems WRONG to me. The fact that there are even orphans…. Much less ONE HUNDRED, SIXTY-THREE MILLION of them… is unbelievably wrong.

I just wonder how many think about that side of adoption.

OR our little man could be sitting in an orphanage someone…. Waiting for us to find him. I have no idea.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE adoption and I love that we’re adopting! But I also know that adoption is born out of pain (though I do see that it provides hope and a future!). As I’m sure every parent out there can agree, I just don’t want my little one to go through any pain. And he’s going to go through the worst pain imaginable.

Have I brought us all down yet!? I certainly didn’t mean to do that. But this is my adoption journal and I needed to get that out. There’s been a lot on my mind lately and I wanted to get it all written out, no matter how random and choppy it was. Maybe it’ll help me process things a little better.

With all that being said….. on to a lighter note (!!)….. I LOVE that we’re going to be sponsoring a little girl. By sponsoring a child you can actually help keep families TOGETHER, and isn’t that what we all want I the first place!? I love knowing that we, along with 4 other couples, are going to be supporting, loving and caring for kids (siblings) halfway across the world! Not only them, but for their mother as well. Boz and I are even talking about buying a goat or two for this family! *Never thought I’d ever say that!* The cost is a LOT more reasonable than I thought it would be! Shoot, I’ve even talked to one of the other sponsors, and when she’s in Ethiopia next month she’s going to look into what a COW would cost. I’d love for all of us to go in together and buy them one!

Thanks for sitting through as i tried to get my scrambled thoughts on paper.... er... the computer. ;-)